March 28, 2009

April Fool's Day (2008)

April Fool's Day (2008)
Watched March 27, 2009

Exactly one year ago, a group of friends accidentally killed someone. Now, that someone is back, and unless someone confesses to the murder, then every one of them will die.

"April Fool's Day" is a piece of shit.

You know they're running out of remakes when they are remaking films like "April Fool's Day". I guess they're done remaking the classics, and now they're moving on to the not-so-classics. Soon, they're going to start remaking movies that nobody has actually heard of, like "Night School" or "Graduation Day". Or "Blades".


But, anyways, I'm pretty sure the only thing anyone remembers from the original was the ending, where it's revealed that none of the killings were real, and were all just a really elaborate April Fool's Day joke. So why the hell would they use the same ending as the original? This automatically erases all elements of surprise from the movie, because, really, the only people who watch Direct-to-Video horror movies are the people who love horror, and therefore, have seen the original. It's pretty f'ing stupid, in my opinion. To make matters worse, the ONLY thing that is the same between the remake and the original is the twist ending. The entire rest of the film is completely different, and doesn't even have the same basic plot line. So why the hell would the filmmakers decide to keep the "twist" ending that everybody knows the "twist" to? Alright, I'm done ranting.

Pretty much everything in "April Fool's Day" is awful. All of the characters are annoying rich kids, so you don't give a shit whether they die. The plot line is just a sad rip-off of films such as "I Know What You Did Last Summer". The death scenes are among the worst in recent history. And the acting is bad.

The film also takes too long on the set up. Normally, a film would take about 5-10 minutes setting up the plot for the rest of the movie, i.e. killing off the character that died exactly a year ago. Except "April Fool's Day" takes a half hour to kill off this character. Not to mention the half hour you have to sit through before said character is killed off is basically just an episode of "Gossip Girl" or some other awful show like that. I mean, it has the two spoiled rich kids with the dead parents who care too much about their reputation, the gay gossip writer, and the stalker dude who films a girl incessantly. Now, I've never seen "Gossip Girl", but those characters sound like they would be lifted right off that show.

And then, after the half-hour of "Gossip Girl" B.S., you're treated to another hour of the most pitifully done death scenes you've ever seen. I mean, these are on par with the kills from "One Missed Call" and "Prom Night" (the remakes). They're bloodless and are less scary than a 5-year-old's Halloween costume. You've got the most laughable drowning scene that you've ever seen, you've got the worst hit-by-a-car scene that you've ever seen, and a couple more kills that are probably just about the worst you've ever seen. Are you seeing a pattern here?

The ending (see above spoilers if you just want to see the ending and spare yourself 90 minutes) also just feels tacked-on and doesn't work near as well as in the original. Plus, after the "twist" ending, they feel the need to tack on another "twist" just to try to make the film even stupider. I won't spoil this one, but I laughed out loud, it was so bad. I laughed out loud.

Honestly, I think all you readers (all you nonexistent readers) get the point. "April Fool's Day" is awful. You shouldn't even consider wasting your time on this nonsense. I'd say it's one of the worst horror movies of 2008 and it basically does nothing right whatsoever. I give "April Fool's Day":

1 out of 5 chainsaws (GOD-AWFUL)

1 comment:

Sam Pagan said...

I came to your site from "The Mangler" IMDB forums and just wanted to comment here because your image is missing! But I also like your reviews, so I'm glad to have found your site. Also, I took one for the team and fleshed out the Mangler wikipedia page, heh. I felt like it had to be done.