Buy or Bury: Horror DVD/Blu-Ray Releases for June 2, 2009

So, time for the first installment of "Buy or Bury", where I tell you whether or not you should pick up the new DVD and Blu-Ray releases in the genre of horror. Overall, this is kind of a slow week in the way of new releases, and I haven't heard of most of the movies this week. But some may be of some interest to some of you, so here they all are.

ANACONDAS: TRAIL OF BLOOD
A vicious anaconda escapes into the mountains, and it's up to a bunch of scientists to kill it.

Why are they still making sequels to "Anaconda"? I didn't think anyone liked that movie enough to warrant one sequel, let alone three. This is a Sci-Fi Channel Original, so chances are it sucks. Just say no.




BLOOD TIES: SEASON ONE
A private eye fights supernatural crime with a centuries-old vampire. This is the 1st season of the hit Canadian show.

I don't think the premise sounds that entertaining or original, but from reviews I've read, it's supposedly pretty damn good. I'd say try it out.





ELSEWHERE (DVD and BLU-RAY)
Small-town girls are disappearing, and it's up to Sarah to figure out what's happening through a cryptic message she received on her cell phone.

Sounds like a loser to me. Doesn't sound interesting at all. There aren't many reviews, but they seem mixed. I'm gonna skip it, but if you like the premise, go right ahead.




THE HUNGER: SEASON ONE
The Netflix description says this has cannibalism and soft-core erotica. So it's apparently Tales From the Crypt with extra sex.

Reviews say the series is a mixed bag, but any show that promises cannibalism and soft-core porn in the same package is just too interesting to pass up. I'd say try it out.




THE LEGEND OF BLOOD CASTLE
1973 Spanish film tells the tale of Elizabeth Bathory, who bathed in the blood of virgins to keep looking gorgeous.

Reviews say that "Legend of Blood Castle" is among the best retellings of the Bathory tale, and it looks good to me. Hopefully it becomes available on Netflix when it is released.




RAZORTOOTH
College students looking for extra credit are preyed upon by a giant eel.

It's generally a good idea nowadays to avoid movies with giant animals, as most of them are either crap or Sci-Fi Originals (also crap). Razortooth appears to be no exception, with a couple reviewers going so far as to say it is the worst film they've ever seen.




RETARDEAD
An evil doctor turns special ed students into zombies. Sequel to the equally well-named "Monsturd".

I saw "Monsturd". It was alright for a movie about a giant shit monster. Reviews seem generally positive. But why isn't it on Netflix? Why is everything I'm actually interested in this week not on freakin' Netflix?




SILENT VENOM
It's "Snakes on a Plane", except on a submarine.

I'm sure you could have guessed, but reviews are bad. Really bad. Don't waste your time on this when you could be watching movies like "Retardead".






STOCKHOLM SYNDROME
The synopsis includes a couple being kidnapped, fetuses being gutted from bodies, rape, torture, mutilation and backwoods hillbilly cannibals. Wow.

I'm quite intrigued by this "Stockholm Syndrome", but of course, it's not on Netflix. What the hell? Reviews look positive, and I quite want to see it.






Well, that's the end of the new releases for this week. Now it's time for my coveted Pick of the Week award, which I give to, obviously, my pick for the DVD that I want the most. And that award goes to...

RetarDEAD!

Runner-ups are The Legend of Blood Castle and Stockholm Syndrome.

None of the three are on Netflix. That just puts me in a bad mood, as I'm going to have to find another way to see them. Damn!