Scream and Scream Again (1970)

Scream and Scream Again (1970)
Watched June 3, 2009

SYNOPSIS
There's a serial killer, some sort of master race, and a guy that can kill you by just touching your shoulder. Crazy.

SHORT REVIEW
"Scream and Scream Again" is quite entertaining, and it's quite cool how a bunch of seemingly unrelated subplots end up coming together in the end.

REVIEW
"Scream and Scream Again" is on a double-feature DVD with "The Oblong Box", which I quite disliked, which you would know if you read the review I just wrote for it. Wait, you didn't read my "Oblong Box" review? Well, go now. After you read this. Anyways, I had low expectations for this one after "Oblong Box", but "Scream and Scream Again" really delivered, and was much better than I even hoped it to be.

So, anyways, the film is kind of weird at the beginning, because there's so many different things happening. There's a jogger being captured and getting his limbs cut off, there's some sort of rapist/murderer that drains the blood of his victims, and there's Vincent Price with his vat of acid. Not to mention some military subplot with a guy that can kill by simply touching you. The film tries to be so many things at once, it's kind of an oddity at first, and you think that maybe you're watching a bunch of different films cut together into one big film. You're not. You're just watching "Scream and Scream Again".

Anyways, all these subplots eventually come together to one quite great finale, but just because the rest of the movie is kind of disjointed and strange, it doesn't mean it's not entertaining as hell, because "Scream and Scream Again" is. It's just great. The first half of the movie isn't anything amazing, but it keeps your attention. Then, there's an amazingly filmed car chase, and from there, it just gets better. It's just highly entertaining, much more so than "Oblong Box".

And, also unlike "Oblong Box", "Scream and Scream Again" uses Vincent Price to its advantage, even if Price has a pretty small role. He plays a mad scientist, and he's just great. I really do like Vincent Price.

You also may be intrigued as the poster says Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing are also in the film. But their roles are pretty much just cameos, and neither of them get very much screen time at all. Oh well, it really doesn't affect the film at all.

So, it's entertaining, and it has vampire rapists and Vincent Price. Are you sold yet? What if I said there was a guy that breaks his own arm off? You're still not sold? Then you obviously shouldn't be on this site. But stay anyways. I need every viewer I can get. I'm desperate.

It's not the best film of all time by any means, but it's a highly entertaining film that I really do recommend. If you get the double-sided disc with "Oblong Box", though, just skip that other film. It's not worth your time, in my opinion. I give "Scream and Scream Again":


4 out of 5 chainsaws (VERY GOOD, SEE IT)

The Oblong Box (1969)

The Oblong Box (1969)
Watched June 2, 2009

SYNOPSIS
A horribly disfigured man escapes from the house in which Vincent Price is keeping him hostage, only to murder some people for revenge.

SHORT REVIEW
I'll put it this way: I watched the film two days ago and I've already pretty much forgotten all about it.

REVIEW
Well, sorry, all nonexistent readers, but I had a packed day yesterday, and I didn't even get my review done for "The Oblong Box". I guess it almost doesn't even matter, as this review is going to be short, because I don't have anything to say about "The Oblong Box".

As stated in the short review, it's been two days since I watched this film starring Vincent Price and Christopher Lee, and honestly, I don't remember much of anything about it. I remember there's some guy with a red cloth over his head, and I remember he kills some people. I think that's pretty much the extent of the movie, honestly, but I could be wrong.

Overall, it's just not that interesting. All of the kills are just throat-slits, and, to be honest, they all look pretty damn fake. The red cloth dude just kind of takes a knife to the side of the person's neck and they just kind of choke a little and die. Not all that interesting.

Not even good ol' Vincent Price can save this stinker. His role just isn't very special and he doesn't really get the chance to do anything. He just kind of goes around, saying how his brother is horribly disfigured and he keeps him in his attic. If you're going to have Price in your film, at least let him do something.

And that's just about all I have to say about "The Oblong Box". It's not a horrible movie by any means, but it's just not very interesting, and there's nothing memorable about the film. I'm betting I will completely forget every aspect about this movie in a couple months, which is pretty sad. It just doesn't do anything special, and, therefore, isn't that good of a movie. This is probably my shortest review, yet, but I just want to end it now, because anything else I say will just be dragging on and repeating myself. I give "The Oblong Box":

2 out of 5 chainsaws (PRETTY BAD, SKIP IT)

Jason X (2001)

Jason X (2001)
Watched June 1, 2009

SYNOPSIS
Three words: Jason. In. Space.

SHORT REVIEW
"Jason X" is among the worst entries in the "Friday the 13th" series.

REVIEW
Well, not only was "Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter" not the final chapter, "Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday" wasn't the final Friday either. Some wise guy decided to revive the series by putting Jason... in space, joining the likes of Leprechaun and other franchises desperate to make some more money. And, unfortunately, for the most part, it sucks.

So, Jason and some other girl get frozen in a cryogenic chamber, and are awakened in the year 2455 by a bunch of futuristic people, that, for the most part, look and act exactly like people in 2001 would. Yeah, there's a robot, but there's also sluts and people desperate for money, so apparently the world hasn't improved much in 450 years.

Anyways, through means unknown to the characters, the audience and presumably the filmmakers, Jason wakes up and starts to kill again. And, luckily for him, there's a bunch of dim-witted people from the future who are practically asking to die! And so it begins...

I don't know why, but I really love the 80s feel and look that the original "Friday the 13th" films have, and it's part of the reason I love them and all other slashers from that golden age. Of course, since the film was made in '01, it doesn't have that 80s feel to it. If anything else, it has the look and feel of a straight-to-video POS from the 2000s, what with the awful acting and bad CGI. If I didn't know better, I definitely would have guessed that this was DTV. I'm surprised it got a theatrical release, to be honest.

There's a couple cool kills, but overall, it's a Jason film, so they're primarily machete-based. At least for the most part, the kills are on-screen and not shyed away from. Actually, that's not necessarily true, because a good many kills are off-screen, but it's not PG-13 by any means, either.

The biggest thing wrong with "Jason X" is that it seems to lack that sense of fun that the originals had. Even if most of the sequels were awful, they were still fun. Not so for most of "Jason X". Maybe it's just because I felt obliged to hate "Jason X" and it took the fun out of it, but it just didn't have that... oomph, I guess is the way to put it. It really only gets fun in the last 15-20 minutes, after that goddamn annoying chick died (more on goddamn annoying chick later). The scene with the virtual reality Camp Crystal Lake is pretty freaking hilarious, though, and the sleeping bag scene is by far the highlight of the movie, and a great parody on the original films.

Okay, goddamn annoying chick time. As seems to be par for the course in slasher films, there's a wise guy, or wise girl in this case, in "Jason X". But the wise guy character is never so annoying as it is in "Jason X", where the wise girl will never shut her fucking mouth, and everything that comes out of it is just unfunny bullshit one-liners that aren't even "so bad they're funny" one-liners. They just make you shake your head in anger or disappointment or whatever. She finally dies, and amazingly, after she's dead, the film gets about 10 times better.

Even with the satisfaction of having that annoying-as-hell girl sucked through an air tube into oblivion, "Jason X" is really not that good. Out of the original ten entries (this doesn't count "Freddy vs. Jason" or the "FT13" remake), I'd probably have to place "Jason X" as tied with the 8th best. It's at least better than "Jason Takes Manhattan" (isn't everything?) and is about the same as "Jason Goes to Hell". I might actually place this ahead of "Jason Goes to Hell" just because at least "Jason X" didn't have some fucking worm thing that was supposed to be Jason's soul or whatever. Still, even if it's better than two entries, it still sucked. I give "Jason X":
2 out of 5 chainsaws (PRETTY BAD, SKIP IT)

P.S. And no, I don't think "A New Beginning" is the worst entry in the "FT13" series. I actually kind of liked that one.

The Amityville Horror (1979)

The Amityville Horror (1979)
Watched June 1, 2009


SYNOPSIS
The Lutzes move into a house in Amityville, Long Island, only to find that the house is haunted! Ooooh!!!

SHORT REVIEW
"The Amityville Horror" isn't anything special.

REVIEW
I think it's pretty safe to say that "Amityville Horror" is probably the most famous haunted house movie ever made. I guess there's "Poltergeist", but I'm just gonna stick with "Amityville". Based off of the hit book, which was supposedly based off a true story (this has been proven false), the movie made 86 million dollars at the box office in 1979, which, by my calculations that may or may not be completely wrong, would be about 246 million nowadays. That's a lot of money.

It shouldn't be that famous. The film really is not even that good. It may just be because the film hasn't held up well over the years, but I think it's very possible that the film was never that good to begin with.

First off, nothing really even happens to the Lutzes the entire movie. Sure, the father learns he really likes wood (fireplace wood, of course) and the daughter gets an imaginary friend which may or may not be some giant blue thing with red eyes. But, doesn't that happen all the time in the world? Just because a dad has an unnatural obsession with (chopping) wood doesn't mean his house is haunted. And the walls bleeding? It was probably just red paint that was seeping out of freshly painted walls. Oh, and their toilets clog. Surefire sign that their house is haunted.

So, nothing scary happens to the Lutzes, so what happens? Well, we watch some priest guy throw up. And a nun throw up. It's quite possible that the Lutz house just smells really bad. So bad that the mere thought of the smell causes the priest to go blind. Completely logical.

And the movie is never really scary because there's no feeling of isolation or entrapment in the house. At any time, the family could just pack up and leave and the house will do little or nothing to stop them. Sure, it'll make the walls bleed, but is that really that bad? Pssh... nah. It might even make the chandelier wiggle a little, or make the door jam. So they just go through the windows. Overall, there's no real feeling of danger in the film.

So, the movie basically amounts to gratuitious wood chopping and watching a priest throw up. Not especially scary. Not especially interesting. Not especially fun to watch. Overall, there's really not much point to even watching the movie, because if you wanted to hear the completely made up story of the Amityville house, you could read the book, and if you wanted to watch a good haunted house movie, you'd watch "The Changeling". "The Amityville Horror" isn't a bad film, it's just that there's nothing even remotely special about it other than the fact that it was a haunted house movie that made a lot of money. I give "Amityville Horror":

2 out of 5 chainsaws (PRETTY BAD, SKIP IT)

Two Thousand Maniacs! (1964)

Two Thousand Maniacs! (1964)
Watched June 1, 2009


SYNOPSIS
Six tourists are the guests of honor at Pleasant Valley's centennial, but little do they know, the guests of honor aren't going to be leaving.

SHORT REVIEW
The death scenes are great, and the rest isn't that great. It's better than "Blood Feast" though.

REVIEW
I'm still quite surprised that TCM would play "Blood Feast" and "Two Thousand Maniacs!", when they're supposed to be playing classic movies. I guess "Blood Feast" could be considered a classic, as it spawned an entire genre of splatter films, but "2000 Maniacs" was just Herschell Gordon Lewis' next film. I guess I shouldn't be complaining, though, as it gave me the opportunity to see some of the first gore films.

And "2000 Maniacs!" is much improved from Lewis' last effort. "Blood Feast" was mostly awful, and its semi-remake "Blood Diner" is leaps and bounds better in my opinion. Man, I love "Blood Diner". Anyways, back to "2000 Maniacs!".

The only reason most people are going to watch this film is to see the death scenes, I think. And for good reason, as that's the only good thing about the film. The characters aren't interesting, the plot is stupid and sometimes confusing, and there's a reason you've probably never heard of any of the actors (although the acting is much improved from "Blood Feast").

But, the gore is pretty good. Sure, it's not as professional as gore flicks these days, but what can you expect from 1964? They did the best they could and overall, the gore's pretty good. It also helps that the kills are pretty inventive. The barrel roll is just pretty freaking awesome, in my opinion. Best kill by far. You also get limbs dismembered in various ways and an especially fun but over drawn-out "lady being crushed by giant rock" scene. But, don't expect to actually see the acts happening. For the boulder scene, you basically just see the girl after she gets crushed. I was hoping for you to actually see the girl get demolished, a la "Final Destination 2" with the pigeon scene. But, nay. You just see the after-effects. But, again, it's 1964. They didn't have experience with gore gags just yet.

I'm not quite sure I understand the plot though. Apparently, every 100 years, a town just reforms itself for a couple of days so it can exact revenge on some Yankees, and then just disappears again for the next 100 years. What? Why? I'm confused. But, honestly, I just don't think plot was a huge concern to Lewis and friends.

Plus, there's this damn little kid that's pretty much the most annoying little piece of shit ever. "Darn I want candy", "I want my candy", "75 miles an hour?". I was hoping someone would crush him with a boulder so he'd shut the fuck up. The actor that played this little kid never again had an acting role, which doesn't surprise me, as he's awful.

"YEE-HAW! The south's gonna rise again!"
Man, I never again want to hear that song in my life. Even the banjo can't save that annoying-as-hell tune that they feel the need to play for about 10 minutes in the movie. Soooo fucking annoying.

Okay, I've said all I have to say about "2000 Maniacs!". If you're looking to see how the splatter genre started, by all means, go back and revisit "2000 Maniacs" and "Blood Feast", especially "Blood Feast" as that's technically the more culturally significant film. Yeah, it's awful and inept in almost every way, but it's culturally significant. If you're looking for Oscar-worthy performances and plot twists that will blow your mind, get away from "Two Thousand Maniacs!". Get as far away as you possibly can. However, if you're looking for a fun time and some early gore, than rent it or whatever. I give "2000 Maniacs":

3 out of 5 chainsaws (AVERAGE)

Buy or Bury: Horror DVD/Blu-Ray Releases for June 2, 2009

So, time for the first installment of "Buy or Bury", where I tell you whether or not you should pick up the new DVD and Blu-Ray releases in the genre of horror. Overall, this is kind of a slow week in the way of new releases, and I haven't heard of most of the movies this week. But some may be of some interest to some of you, so here they all are.

ANACONDAS: TRAIL OF BLOOD
A vicious anaconda escapes into the mountains, and it's up to a bunch of scientists to kill it.

Why are they still making sequels to "Anaconda"? I didn't think anyone liked that movie enough to warrant one sequel, let alone three. This is a Sci-Fi Channel Original, so chances are it sucks. Just say no.




BLOOD TIES: SEASON ONE
A private eye fights supernatural crime with a centuries-old vampire. This is the 1st season of the hit Canadian show.

I don't think the premise sounds that entertaining or original, but from reviews I've read, it's supposedly pretty damn good. I'd say try it out.





ELSEWHERE (DVD and BLU-RAY)
Small-town girls are disappearing, and it's up to Sarah to figure out what's happening through a cryptic message she received on her cell phone.

Sounds like a loser to me. Doesn't sound interesting at all. There aren't many reviews, but they seem mixed. I'm gonna skip it, but if you like the premise, go right ahead.




THE HUNGER: SEASON ONE
The Netflix description says this has cannibalism and soft-core erotica. So it's apparently Tales From the Crypt with extra sex.

Reviews say the series is a mixed bag, but any show that promises cannibalism and soft-core porn in the same package is just too interesting to pass up. I'd say try it out.




THE LEGEND OF BLOOD CASTLE
1973 Spanish film tells the tale of Elizabeth Bathory, who bathed in the blood of virgins to keep looking gorgeous.

Reviews say that "Legend of Blood Castle" is among the best retellings of the Bathory tale, and it looks good to me. Hopefully it becomes available on Netflix when it is released.




RAZORTOOTH
College students looking for extra credit are preyed upon by a giant eel.

It's generally a good idea nowadays to avoid movies with giant animals, as most of them are either crap or Sci-Fi Originals (also crap). Razortooth appears to be no exception, with a couple reviewers going so far as to say it is the worst film they've ever seen.




RETARDEAD
An evil doctor turns special ed students into zombies. Sequel to the equally well-named "Monsturd".

I saw "Monsturd". It was alright for a movie about a giant shit monster. Reviews seem generally positive. But why isn't it on Netflix? Why is everything I'm actually interested in this week not on freakin' Netflix?




SILENT VENOM
It's "Snakes on a Plane", except on a submarine.

I'm sure you could have guessed, but reviews are bad. Really bad. Don't waste your time on this when you could be watching movies like "Retardead".






STOCKHOLM SYNDROME
The synopsis includes a couple being kidnapped, fetuses being gutted from bodies, rape, torture, mutilation and backwoods hillbilly cannibals. Wow.

I'm quite intrigued by this "Stockholm Syndrome", but of course, it's not on Netflix. What the hell? Reviews look positive, and I quite want to see it.






Well, that's the end of the new releases for this week. Now it's time for my coveted Pick of the Week award, which I give to, obviously, my pick for the DVD that I want the most. And that award goes to...

RetarDEAD!

Runner-ups are The Legend of Blood Castle and Stockholm Syndrome.

None of the three are on Netflix. That just puts me in a bad mood, as I'm going to have to find another way to see them. Damn!

Chopping Mall (1986)

Chopping Mall (1986)
Watched May 31, 2009

SYNOPSIS
Promiscuous teens are hunted down by mall security robots malfunctioning after their computer is struck by lightning.

SHORT REVIEW
"Chopping Mall" is a hell of a lot of fun; nothing more, nothing less.

REVIEW
I've wanted to see "Chopping Mall" for a while now, solely because that title is fucking amazing. I'm putting it bluntly, but it is. Just like "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes", if you're not intrigued by the title "Chopping Mall", you obviously are an emotionless robot. You can still read this blog, though, I don't really care if my readers are robots, it's better than no readers at all.

Enough about robots! Now we'll set our sights on "Chopping Mall", which is conveniently also about robots. Killer robots at that. The film starts out with a company showing off their new security robots to mall employees. The maker of these robots claims "the system is foolproof" and "nothing, absolutely nothing, can go wrong" and goes on to repeat these claims multiple times. Needless to say, something goes wrong.

In this case, electricity hits the roof of the mall three times in a row, conveniently in the place that the robots' computer system is located. Why the hell would the computer system be located on the roof? Just one of many questions that are never answered in "Chopping Mall", but I couldn't care less.

Meanwhile, while the robots kill the people looking after them, who were too busy looking at porn to notice that the robots were alive when they shouldn't have been, eight teens are doing it in a mattress shop after-hours! They picked the right night to party! The teens are all complete cut-outs. We have the newly formed couple that are the two good people, who would rather watch "Attack of the Crab Monsters" than do it. Within seconds of meeting these two, you know they're going to be the only ones to survive the night. The other six have no distinguishable personality traits, and are only there to provide nudity and a higher body count. Sounds like it's gonna be a good time!

I mentioned in my "What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?" review that there were exploding heads in this movie. And I wasn't lying. One of the horny teens gets their head blown apart by the security robot's lasers! Why the hell would a security robot need lasers strong enough to explode someone's head? Man, that's really weird, the lyrics to the song I'm listening to were just "I don't care! I don't care!", which basically sums up my feelings to that question. If "Deadly Friend" can get away with basketballs exploding heads, "Chopping Mall" can get away with deadly lasers. By the way, the head explosion was good enough to warrant me rewinding the movie to watch it again.

Other than that head explosion, which was also pretty bloodless, there's no blood in "Chopping Mall", which you wouldn't expect from a film with that kind of title. But that's fine. The death scenes here are primarily laser-based, as that's the robots' main line of defense. I don't think the company's presentation on the robots mentioned lasers. I love how I'm pointing out how illogical a film called "Chopping Mall" is. Anyways, back to bloodletting, yeah, very little blood. But, the film is just so darned entertaining, I didn't need any.

Did I mention the film is 77 minutes long? Quick and to the point, just how I liked it. A perfect contrast with "Baby Jane". The film wastes no time getting to the action, as the first kill is like ten minutes in, then we get some quick boob shots and then we have just under an hour of teens getting thrown off of balconies and getting blown up by lasers. Exactly what everyone wants in their 80s horror. Man, I love the 80s.

The film never drags, and is entertaining from start to finish. It realizes it's nothing more than a crappy slasher with robots, and finishes off all the death scenes with the robots happily wishing the victims a nice day. How nice. I don't think I can bring myself to give this movie five chainsaws, as it's pretty much awful in every sense of the word, but I can give "Chopping Mall" a highly acceptable 4 chainsaws, and I'll throw in a slab of cheese for good measure. Go see it right now. Unless you're a robot, then you may find the film insulting to your race. But probably not.


4 out of 5 chainsaws and then a nice piece of cheese for no reason other than I've never given a film a rating made out of cheese (VERY GOOD, SEE IT)

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)
Watched May 31, 2009

SYNOPSIS
A jealous, insane child star keeps her crippled sister hostage in an old Hollywood mansion.

SHORT REVIEW
"What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?" probably won't be of much interest to younger viewers who need explosions every two minutes to keep their attention, but for everyone else, this is a nice thriller with amazing performances by the two leading ladies.

REVIEW
Any film that can keep my attention for 133 minutes straight deserves some sort of accolade. Especially when the film is primarily dialogue-based, and has only a few fleeting action scenes. But "Baby Jane" kept my attention throughout its entire running time, which must be a testament to the fact that it's a really good film.

The aspect of the film that is the best, in my opinion, is the acting. Both Bette Davis and Joan Crawford are amazing in their parts of, respectively, the child star who is living in a dream world where everyone remembers her and loves her, and the tortured sister in a wheelchair that grew up to be much more famous than her sister. Davis steals the movie, though. In my opinion, she's spot-on in her portrayal of Baby Jane Hudson. She alternates perfectly between happy child star living in the past who wants to reclaim her fame, to insane monster brutally beating her sister and locking her in her room to starve to death. Some may call her performance a little over the top, but I didn't. I thought it was riveting and definitely made the movie more memorable. The very last scene is just haunting, yet hilarious at the same time.

Crawford is amazing as well, and you truly get that feeling of entrapment when you are with her character. She has nowhere to go, as her current lack of working legs truly limits her surroundings. You feel for her throughout the movie, and hope she can make it through her predicament alive.

Apparently, Davis and Crawford weren't exactly the best of friends off-camera either, and there are even sources saying that Davis actually beat up Crawford during the on-camera beating. There are many stories about the two playing mean tricks on each other during filming, and you kind of have to wonder how much of the intense hate portrayed on screen was actually real-life hatred.

However, the film is a little dated. A lot of the "shocking" scenes have lost most of their impact nowadays. The rat in the food scene isn't particularly shocking anymore, and a lot of other scenes just seem kind of stupid due to today's viewers being pretty desensitized and all that. However, the performances by both leading women make the dated shocks better, and the rat scene is saved by Davis' insane cackling and Crawford's desperate screams.

Also, it helps that the film's plot feels like it could actually happen in real life, and it adds a layer of realism to the film. Just a quick comment.

Okay, I'm done reviewing this one. It's good. I think you should probably go see it, unless you are only entertained by horror if it has constant exploding heads. More on exploding heads later, as my next review is for "Chopping Mall". Muhaha. Anyways, I'll rant about exploding heads in my next review. Back to "Baby Jane". The film's pretty much a classic, especially because of the amazing Oscar-worthy performances. Sure, the film's a bit slow-moving and dated, but it's still good enough to praise. "What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?" earns:

4 out of 5 chainsaws (VERY GOOD, SEE IT)

The Tingler (1959)

The Tingler (1959)
Watched May 31, 2009


SYNOPSIS
Vincent Price is a pathologist that discovers that, when we are extremely scared, the tingling of our spine is due to "the tingler", and can only be put to rest by screaming. Soon enough, he takes a tingler out of a woman's dead body who died of fear, and the creature gets loose. Uh-oh!

SHORT REVIEW
"The Tingler" isn't anything especially memorable or anything, but it's good enough to recommend.

REVIEW
Man, I wish I was alive to see this movie in theaters. To experience all of William Castle's stupid little gimmicks to try to attract audiences. As some of you probably know, for "The Tingler", Castle's gimmick was PERCEPTO. He attached surplus vibrators left over from WW2 to certain audience members' seats, and during a special scene in the movie, turned off all the lights in the theater, turned the vibrators on and pretended the Tingler was loose in the very theater. He also put plants in the audience to faint during the movie, only to be carried out by fake nurses. How great. Nowadays, all we get gimmick-wise is 3D, and that's been around for a looooong time and was never that amazing to begin with.

Honestly, I don't really even think there's anything special about the movie itself, I just think Castle's gimmicks are awesome. So, without the gimmick, the movie kind of loses something. It's still not a bad movie, though. We've still got Vincent Price, who's always fun to watch. We've still got that Tingler thing, which is some sort of caterpillar about 100 times too big. And we also have the highly entertaining scene where a deaf mute is literally scared to death. Awesome.

At the very least, the story's pretty damn original. I mean, there really aren't that many (if any) other movies about killer spine caterpillars with death grips attracted to your fear. I'm actually gonna go ahead and say this is the only film with that certain plot element. I'm a sucker for originality.

But, overall, there's not really anything great about "The Tingler". Yeah, it's a good film, and it's certainly entertaining, but there's nothing that makes you think "wow I am so enthralled in what's happening" or "wow this movie is amazing and I will always remember it". Nope, just a pretty average 50s movie with Vincent Price. Did I mention you get to see Price on LSD in the film? I bet that sold some people.

Alright, this one's gonna be a pretty short review, as I really have nothing else to say. I think "The Tingler" had a great plot, but I think it didn't take complete advantage of it, as the Tingler never really does anything. It tries to kill a couple people, but it's a pretty useless monster, as you or anyone around you can stop it simply by making noise. It just kind of latches on to your leg and hopes you don't notice so it can do whatever the hell a giant spine caterpillar would do to you. Sounds pretty unintimidating to me. Overall, I recommend the movie, but I wouldn't go out of my way to see it. I give "The Tingler":


3 out of 5 chainsaws (AVERAGE)

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978)

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978)
Watched May 30, 2009

SYNOPSIS
Well, there's tomatoes that are killing people. It's one of those titles that basically explains the movie without me having to explain it. Alright, synopsis over.

SHORT REVIEW
What should have been pretty much the greatest movie ever created is alright, but tries too hard and often fails.

REVIEW
If you're not intrigued by a title like "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes", then you're either not human or are one of those snooty film losers that look down upon anyone who watches anything but Oscar winners and obscure Russian movies. If you are human and can appreciate bad cinema, then I'm pretty sure you're wondering if "Killer Tomatoes" is good enough to spend ninety minutes of your life on.

Short answer, it had so much potential, but it didn't really use it. It's not a complete loser though, the film is actually pretty funny at times. The tomato attacks are great (a stand out is the first kill in the movie, where a tomato kills a housewife but I have no freaking idea how), and there's some really humorous moments, like the man disguising himself as a tomato to infiltrate their system or the guy who always wears his military uniform and a huge parachute that hurts much more often than it helps.

However, the film seems like it tries way too hard at points. I'm pretty damn sure that the filmmakers tried to make this as bad as they possibly can, but then they try adding twists and turns to the plot that seriously muddle the film up. Plus, I have no idea who any of the characters were or what their purpose to the plot was. I don't know what Mason Dixon and his squad were trying to do. I don't know why that one girl was spying on them. And I don't know who the hell the guy is who believes he can control the tomatoes. I was pretty lost when it came to characters and plot. Maybe I just wasn't paying enough attention because I was too busy eagerly awaiting the next tomato attack.

And, unfortunately, for every good joke, there's a few really bad jokes, and not "so-bad-they're-funny" jokes like they should be. Just stupid jokes that try too hard to be stupid.

But, man, is the music good. I love the "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" theme song that they play during the opening credits. I also love "Puberty Love", as it's quite possibly the worst song ever created. I need to have that song. I need to. Now.

Overall, I enjoyed "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes", except sometimes it just was dull. A lot of the jokes failed miserably, and the filmmakers' attempts to actually add a real plot to the movie actually made the film worse. I think I should probably give the film 2 chainsaws, but I can't deny that the film made me laugh out loud at some parts, which is more than I can say for a lot of films I watch. So, I give "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" a disapponting, but still okay:

3 out of 5 chainsaws (AVERAGE)

P.S. I felt that the film tried way too hard to emulate "Airplane!", but then I looked both films up, and it turns out this came out before "Airplane!". Maybe this was an influence on that spoof classic we all love. Whether or not this is true, "Airplane!" is still the much funnier movie.

Psychos in Love (1987)

Psychos in Love (1987)
Watched May 30, 2009

SYNOPSIS
Two psychos fall in love because of their shared hobby for serial killing and shared intense hate for grapes. There's also a cannibal plumber on the loose.

SHORT REVIEW
"Psychos in Love" is pretty damn funny all the way through, and I'm glad it's finally got a proper DVD release so the underrated film can find a new fanbase.

REVIEW
I'd never heard of "Psychos in Love" before I looked at a list of the new horror DVD releases and saw it on there. It sounded interesting, but I still wasn't completely sold. Then, I read some reviews for it, and they said that the two psychos bond over their loathing for grapes. Any film that uses hating grapes as a plot point is something I need to see, ASAP. So, I promptly put the film near the top of my Netflix queue and waited.

Well, the film came yesterday, and what an interesting little film. First off, the film is not supposed to be taken seriously at all. And that's a good thing. The film has a pretty black sense of humor throughout, so if you're into that kind of thing, it might be a good idea to pick this one up. I found it pretty hilarious.

I hate reviewing films that I liked, but I can't really find much to say about it. "Psychos in Love" is one of those films, so this review probably will not be that long.

But, I do know why I liked the film. It's entertaining from start to finish. There are a few great scenes, like the first couple times that the psychos rattle off a monologue about how they hate every type of grape (they continue to repeat this monologue, and while it gets a little less funny each time they repeat it, it's still pretty humorous) or the scene where they happily tell each other for the first time that they're mentally unstable. It's quite funny how nonchalantly they treat all the murders throughout the film.

However, I do have a couple complaints. First off, there's a lot of jokes that don't work. I realize that they can't all be zingers, but there's some real "wow-that-really-wasn't-funny-at-all" moments in the film. Fortunately, the funny bits outnumber the unfunny bits, so it's easy to overlook the stinkers.

Another mild complaint is the synopses of this film made it sound like the cannibal plumber was a big plot element, but in reality, the guy gets about five minutes of screen time, and only about two of those are with the psychos in love. It's a mild complaint, but I felt they just added in the plumber subplot at the very last second to add a little substance to the film. I don't know why, it just felt that way with how quickly they wrapped up the whole subplot.

But those are just minor complaints that definitely don't ruin this funny and original piece of work that really should be much more well-known than it is at the moment. Hopefully the DVD release helps the film find an audience and it's remembered as a cult classic as it should be. "Psychos in Love" gets:

4 out of 5 chainsaws (VERY GOOD, SEE IT)